Forgive Me
Forgive me if I do not dance,
if my feet hurt, if my spirit is broken.
I would like to drop all pretense,
heal my broken spirit.
I'd like to jump through hoops
for all the hopeless causes
that have burst into prominence,
but I bolt at that, sanity gathered.
My shoulder is sore from
bearing everyone's burden.
Reason topples emotion.
Forgive me if I do not dance.
(This poem above was written for The Sunday Whirl for 10/16. The words to use were: forgive, shoulder, topples, shallows, bolt, broken, gathered, dancing, drop, burst, causes, feet, hoops. I did NOT find a place for 'shallows.' )
What a wonderful poem, Mary. I especially like:
ReplyDelete"I'd like to jump through hoops
for all the hopeless causes
that have burst into prominence,
but I bolt at that, sanity gathered."
Your words show, so strongly, your narrator's defeat, as what once might have been "good causes" are now "hopeless" causes. I think you stayed with the mood of your poem very well throughout.
i hear you...arms tired from shouldering the burdens of the world...and what good are we to any of them at that point...
ReplyDeleteSometimes others expect too much of us. There has to be a time they realize that we too have to survive.
ReplyDeleteHank
Excellent, Mary…there are times to focus on self, minister to self, let go of all the burdens. Great poem/wordl.
ReplyDeleteExcellent wordle Mary--even if shallows did not get in there. You have created an excellent poem of the defeated and weary feeling, of someone who needs to retreat and gather sanity. Good work.
ReplyDeleteI guess I an forgive you
ReplyDeleteA lest a little bit, it's true..haha
Great peace, like the jump through hoops part.
Oh I so resonate with this. I literally feel, sometimes, like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. One gets tired. Certainly, too tired to dance. And the causes do seem too big and hopeless to shoulder. Love this one, Mary. I wouldnt have been able to fit in shallows either. However you did fantastically with the other words.
ReplyDeleteMary- Ahh... this is powerful. I love the parts of the body symbolizing life's difficulties. I love this line "Forgive me if I do not dance"...
ReplyDeleteTwo thumbs up.
ReplyDeleteA great poem. I loved the phrase 'Forgive me if I do not dance'. It says so much.
ReplyDeleteOne does need to heal when crowded and burdened with responsibilities!! One can reach breaking point when enough and more is shouldered!! Much sadness but well thought out wordle poem!!
ReplyDeleteI understand the narrator. It does seem like we cannot take the weight of another's burden. "Forgive me if I do not dance" is such a memorable line.
ReplyDeleteHa. we went to similar places.
ReplyDeleteI really like your first stanza. "drop all pretense, heal my broken spirit"
Nicely done. I found ‘topples’ the most difficult word, and you handled it with ease.
ReplyDeleteStrong write, Mary. Like others, I especially liked the memorable refrain, "forgive me if I do not dance."
ReplyDeleteWell done, Mary! I'm feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders today and I definitely don't feel like dancing.
ReplyDeleteI can feel the weariness here. I think your economy of words helps reinforce that. I also like the symmetry of the last line mirroring the first. Well-done!
ReplyDeleteMary, I shall forgive you, if you do not dance. Sometimes, it is an impossible task. Strong write.
ReplyDeletePamela
I like this use of words provides. Sometimes one just can't dance.
ReplyDeleteGood use of the wordle words. I also had trouble with shallows. Really like the photo you chose to join your words. I remember that experience,
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
Mary, I like the speaker of this poem a great deal. He/she is captivating, from wanting to take care of the self, to wanting to help, to the resignation of not wanting, because "Reason topples emotion." All is forgiven. It's a wonderful poem. I've already read it three times, and I want to come back to it again.
ReplyDeleteRichard
Mingled relief and yearning in this poem, Mary. Delicately done.
ReplyDeleteAwesome work, Mary! You did well with the wordle..
ReplyDeletehanging my head
Powerful. You used those words to the fullest, and in such a personal way.
ReplyDeleteTerrific poem, Mary - highly personal but relateable. In this world of endless need, we sometimes have to step back, sit down and let someone else do the dancing for a while.
ReplyDeleteTerrific poem, Mary - highly personal but relateable. In this world of endless need, we sometimes have to step back, sit down and let someone else do the dancing for a while.
ReplyDeleteI loved what you did with the wordle words here and really liked the repeat of 'forgive me if I do not dance' that is such a strong line.
ReplyDeleteYou really captured a feeling that most of us can identify with, or have felt at some time.
Very nicely done Mary,