Just As I Am

Just as I Am

Me, just as I am, is perfect with me.
I feel good, and that is most important.
I can imagine myself anyway I wish
and mostly I visualize myself free
of wrinkles and the loose flesh that is
evident when naked I stand before
a mirror. But what good comes from
being unhappy about appearance?
I cannot change what is. I save my
worry for what I can control.

Vacations

Vacations

When I was a child we took few vacations
because my dad was self-employed, and
if he took off work there would be no money.
Our vacations were short, weekends
away, Friday through Sunday if we were lucky.
No vacations out West, out East, down South.
Holidays in Wisconsin, occasionally adjoining states.

Once we rented a Shawano Lake cottage, and
my dad traveled home to work during the week,
came back to the cottage at night. Mom and I
stayed at the cottage, heaven for a week.
Another time we went to Lake Geneva, and my dad
and I went horseback riding down the main street.

Sometime we visited my mother's sister in Chicago.
They had a small black and white television,
something I'd never seen; and burglar chains on windows;
I saw black people, homeless people, and
drunks on the streets. I couldn't ride my bike
around the block alone, so I read many of my
cousins' Superman comic books and even took
some home.

One summer we traveled to Dubuque, which seemed
so far away from home. Another time to Copper Harbor
Another to Northern Wisconsin. Also Door County.
Every time I stayed in a motel as a kid it was special.
Wherever they were, I always slept well!

How To Frustrate Yourself

One day you decide what you want to do when you get up in the morning
but instead start doing tasks, one after another, that need to be done,
demand attention and time so you never do what you want to do

At night you reflect on your accomplishments, all the important
work you did and go to sleep as you plan what you'll do tomorrow.
Next day you decide what you want to do again after you think of

what you must do first that should take little time but before you know
the day passes and you hope tomorrow will be the day you do what
you want to do.

Apology to Tulip

Apology to Tulip

Tulip, I am sorry I didn't take you for a walk today.
I intended to, but time got away. There were so
many things I had to do. I know they shouldnot
have been more important than you, so I'm so sorry
because you really never complain but just look
at me sometime with disappointment in your eyes
and forgive me each time there is no time for you.

Tulip, I'm sorry I took Violet for a walk, not you.
You know I hardly ever take her for a walk at all
because she is not a diligent walker, prefers
to dawdle and sniff things. Taking her for
a walk is no fun for me, though it is fun for her.
When I had only a few spare minutes today I
walked with her. You watched from the window.

Not the Last Poem

Not the Last Poem

This is not the last poem I will write
no final statement to read at my grave
nothing of great significance to anyone
imperfect, unrevised, rough. Words float
to the page, profound or unpolished,
it matters not, as there will be another poem
tomorrow and tomorrow after that, but someday
I will write the perfect poem to capture my life
will then be able leave this earth satisfied
that I have created the last poem I will write.
No revisions to poem or life possible,
life's work complete.

Dread

Dread

I dread the day I will observe rather than do,
the day I will no longer walk half marathons.
I wonder when that will be when I look at
completions in my age group they number
less than the fingers on two hands,
the next level less than the fingers on one hand.
It seems likely I will not be the exception,
wonder why others stopped competing, whether
it was health, loss of interest, or intimidation
of young bodies running alongside. I wish
for more time, more half marathons ahead of me,
wish I had started earlier when I could achieve
better times than I can now. I dread the day
I will mourn what I could have done but didn't.

Lemonade

Lemonade

I look at my face in the glass and see
contemplation among the condensation
tears for the passage of time,
goals not achieved, projects incomplete,
paintings unstarted, books unread,
life's passage too fast, no time
to do it all, little time to even start.
I raise the icy glass to eye level, then lips
hold it there for a moment, ponder
one more moment the image within,
then drink its sweet essence. That's life.

Lie(s)

Lie(s)

Her conversation begins with a lie
but the Other doesn't know it.
She answers fine to the question
How are you? She is not,
isn't fine at all. The Other is relieved
to hear the expected answer, the one
everyone gives with a smile. Fine,
just fine, fine physically, mentally,
emotionally, fine in every possible way.
The Other says Great to hear, me too.

Food Memories

(1)

Add the smooth biting flavor of plain yogurt
to sweet juicy blueberries in season, stir,
savor with a hot cup of coffee, one dog in lap,
another dog at feet, waiting for me to finish
to be the chosen one to lick the bowl clean!

(2)

Italian-style wedding soup, microwave two minutes,
add veggie slice cheese, top with croutons
heat one more minute, serve hot, accompany
with salad, a simple but pleasant lunch.

(3)

Take one warm tortilla, add cooked chicken,
onions, red peppers, green peppers,
all well spiced. Add shredded cheese,
as much salsa as tortilla can hold,
then wrap tightly, bring to mouth,
bite, taste, and eat with seasoned zest.

I Cannot Escape

I Cannot Escape

I cannot escape the passage of time
I try to fight it, stop it, hold days captive,
stop wheels from forward motion.
I skid, shoes worn, legs scraped,
grip the hands of the clock, try to
reverse their perpetual movement
futile, all is futile. Spring proceeds
to summer, and in a blink it is fall.
I stand stunned, another year older,
breathless, eyes glazed with tears
another summer gone, one less
to live. Where did it go? And why
did I not do all I wanted to do?

Unsympathetic

Unsympathetic

The stench of sweat and cigarette smoke
hangs heavy as I walk past unbathed men
with fetid breath, yellow teeth rotted,
who wait for the shelter to open for the day
I am unsympathetic to their plight, angry
about men who smoke as they claim poverty
cigarettes in hand, money for that, not food.

You Do Not Know

You Do Not Know


Your presence overwhelms
I suffocate when you are there,
you are always there, there is no other
only you, intense eyes, loud voice
commanding attention. You move closer,
speak louder, I try to move, you move too,
I cannot escape, captured again,
fly trapped in web. I flail internally,
smile. You do not know, ever.