One

ONE

Only one day before I fly
time moves so quickly
but yet it crawls
so much to do to
get ready to fly such
a distance, to stay
so long. It will be my
longest flight ever,
to Singapore, and we
will cruise beyond. It
will be so exciting
to see the many exotic
places I'd never dreamed
of seeing before this year.

Through This Life

Through This Life

Through this life I traveled
one day at a time, one year
at a time. When I was young
the days and years didn't matter
too much. There would always
be more, and the difference
between one year and another
was basically imperceptible.

But when I reached thirty I
began to take note. Where
was I headed now that I
was no longer young? Lots
of soul searching in those
years, one day at a time,
one year at a time.

I feared fifty, but my fifties
were the happiest years of my life,
years for me, to enjoy, to savor,
amazing days, amazing years.
And now the 60's, hoping for
the best, years of creaitivity,
travel, new goals, new friends,
keeping the old, moving forward
one day at a time, one year
at a time, never looking back

Acceptance

Acceptance

People come in many sizes,
shapes. Some are tall,
some short, some thin,
some fat. God loves them
all the way they are. So
should I....... and you.

Thanksgiving Thankfulness

Thanksgiving Thankfulness

I am thankful
most of the time
for most everything
I have. I remind
myself as often as
necessary that life
is a blessing, but
only the foundation
for other blessings
which follow day
after day, year
after year.

Hot and Cold

Hot and Cold #1 and #2

#1

I love heat, hate cold,
always take a jacket
into a restaurant
in summer. Just in
case. Too warm
is fine with me, but
when cold I can think
of little besides how
to get warm!

#2

She is an unmelting ice block,
without a shred of caring,
love, or compassion.
Her mouth is frozen, smileless,
her eyes hardened in icy stare.
Dressed in shimmery silver, she
is hard in her unbending stance.
She brings shudders to
all in her range and shivers
to those that feel her touch.

Everybody Says

Everybody Says

Everybody says just wait and see,
don't worry until you have something
to worry about, everything is going
to be okay.

Everybody says they will say prayers.
I will pray too. But, damn, it is hard to
wait for the results, to know what
I must pray for.

Everybody says one day at a time,
and I try to think that way. I try to
be optimistic, but I cannot lose
the fear. Help me.

Everybody means well, that I know,
everybody wants it to be okay,
no cancer, nothing serious, that
I do know. Me too.

Nobody knows what another needs.
Oftentimes a person doesn't
know herself. Perhaps
to listen is enough.

Nobody knows my prayers to God.
Do you hear them, God?
I implore you, God, to make
everything right one more time?

Noise

Noise

I'd choose noise any day over silence.
Give me the noise of people talking
television blaring, radio squawking,
dogs barking, children playing,
baby crying, anything rather than
total stillness, which makes me feel
crazy inside, except sometimes
in the early morning hours when I sit
with my cup of coffee and attend to
my computer savoring my time of
reflection, contemplation before
the busy day begins.

Ambulance

Ambulance

Ambulance
red light circles
siren blares, signals
other vehicles to let
it pass. Who is being
transported to the
hospital? Will she
be okay? I say a
silent prayer as the
ambulance passes,
remember that one
time it was me inside.

Life After Sixty

Life after Sixty

One has to invent
a new way to live
one cannot depend on past
to sustain future
one has to begin anew
with fresh dreams,
possibilities abound
if one looks.

And Then

And Then

And then suddenly
it was evening, amazing how
quickly the day passed.
I awoke with many things to do,
optimistic, felt all was possible.
I drank my coffee in the early
hours, savored morning, my
favorite time of day. Felt relaxed,
fresh, time was abundant,
unrushed. Everything in due
time, would be accomplished.
But then, in a blink of the eye,
it was evening. Where had the
day gone? I accomplished,
but not all I wanted to, but
tomorrow will be another day

To Not Attach

To Not Attach

I don't want to attach anymore.
Everything is impermanent,
will eventually leave. Sometimes
now I wish I had fewer things,
would like to give things away
to someone of the next generation

would who enjoy, treasure, act
as caretaker. Stamp collection,
coins, electric train, doll house,
dolls, German steins, nut crackers,
silverware, dishes, postcards.
I remember when my aunt gave

away treasures one cup at a time.
I own some cups from her collection,
but where are they now? Valuable
to me once, now somewhere to
rediscover sometime when I pass
things to someone who might care.

What should I do with keepsakes?
Sad to contemplate, but realistic.
It is an honor to be caretaker, but
also a burden. I wonder if it is best
to walk through life unencumbered,
to collect nothing but memories and

photographs and to write poems
along the way. Beauty, love, health,
friendships, possessions do not last.
Life itself on earth is temporary. Even
I will eventually leave.

SLOW

Slow

days pass slow
when I am worried
and want to know
the answer and pray
all will be okay.
don't like waiting
worrying, but I
have no choice.
I wonder if I worry
more than her.
Most likely.

Does it Matter?

Does it Matter?

Does it really matter
if destruction or death
comes by implosion
or explosion? I don't
think so, do you?

Above The Clouds

Above the Clouds

I cannot see above the clouds
today, but I know that above the
clouds it is always clear and one
can always see the sun. If only
I would be above the clouds today,
the sun seems so elusive.

Above the Clouds

Above the Clouds

I cannot see above the clouds
today, but I know that above the
clouds it is always clear and one
can always see the sun. If only
I would be above the clouds today,
the sun seems so elusive.

Hanging

#1

Hang on to me, and I will hang on to you.
Though the path may be steep and rugged,
together we will find our way. First, you
lead; then let me. We CAN find our way
together. And we WILL.

#2

Hanging onto dreams is better
than letting them fly away. At least
there is good to contemplate
when all is dark within and without.
With no dreams, the furies shriek,
flap their wings, disrupt the night
Bring on dreams and restful sleep.

Not Yet

Not Yet

Lined face, hands, wrinkles,
lose hanging skin, muscles
that sag, force me to recognize
I am no longer young. Some
might, horrors, call me old,
on the downward slope
of life; it is hard to believe life has
passed this fast, brought me
to this point I do not want to be..
In my mind I am young, vibrant,
future ahead of me.When I walk the
treadmill at the Y, I am energized,
upbeat, feel I could walk hours and
then hours more. I hide my head
in the sand, I know it It is an
illusion, a game some of us
may play as long as we can. We
fight what will eventually win. Our
lined, wrinkled bodies will give in
and slow down, step off he treadmill,
kiss the illusion of youth good-bye.
But not today or tomorrow. Not yet.
Old age can wait.

Finally

Finally

The human spirit is renewable.
Even when I am the most tired
and downhearted I realize that
tomorrow will be another chance,
a fresh slate, new page, uncharted
ground, one more opportunity for
me to finally get it right.

If Only

If Only

I say to myself so often, If only,
but it doesn't happen, and I
try to resign myself to the
fact that it most likely never

will. I worry, pray for good
solutions, often wish I could
set the course. I don't
understand why everything

is always so hard. I wish
I could just have today be
enough, that I could just
hug the kids, love them,

laugh with them and let
tomorrow take care of itself.
If only I could have faith
that it would.

Construction

Construction

I hope to build something
good in my life, something
positive with my being, and
to leave a lasting legacy

of caring among those
who knew me well. And
selfishly I want to be
remembered, not forgotten

or overlooked. I hope
someday that it will be
known and appreciated
just all that I brought about,

bought, and built. I wish
I did not care, was selfless,
but I recognize I am not
totally selfless at all

but I hope to build something
good in my life, will hope to
be remembered as good but
truly you can never trust memory.

Overworked Topic

Overworked Topic

Sometimes there is nothing
more to say about a subject
or nothing more one wants to say
anyway, like trying to write about
old news. It is hard to contemplate
what would give the subject a new
perspective, a slant that hadn't
been used before. The subject
tires me, and, damn it, I can't
imagine I am the only one who
feels this way about the
overworked topic of love.

Slippery

Slippery

Slippery roads are dangerous
especially at night with the
glare of the lights. But the
slippery slope is even more
dangerous than the slippery
road as once choose it,
by inventing tales and telling
lies and forcing smiles until
you choke fromyour own deceit
it is one thing after another
as life unravels beneath
your feet and sucks the
dignity you had hoped to
preserve and you scream
as you pray for a way out
of the inner darkness back
into the truth of light

The Shoulds

The Shoulds

Should I rake leaves or
take my dog for a walk?
Should I organize the kitchen
or write a poem?
Should I grocery shop
or read a book?
The choice between what I
should do and what I want
to do is often difficult.
And whatever choice I make
feels half good and half bad.
I wish there were more
hours in the day, especially
to take my dog for a walk.

Reflections on Plant Life

Reflections on Plant Life

I always said that if I were in the hospital
I might prefer a book to read over a bouquet
of flowers as the flowers would fade away
and die, something I would prefer not to.

but then again sometime it is nice to
be surrounded by the beauty of flowers
even if it is only temporary beauty
to enjoy for a few moments, days.

Life itself is fleeting like the beauty
of flowers, with its savored moments
of joy and loveliness, essence
that can inhaled but never captured.

Unable to Cover

Unable to Cover

Sometimes i wish i could cover my emotions
and not wear my heart on my sleeve but
I am not good with this at all. What I feel
people can see, and if I am angry or hurt
sometimes it is better for me to leave than
to sit there and cry or say things I will
regret. I know a lot of people are able
to cover their emotions, to smile no matter
what, but I an not one of them.

Growing

Growing

Most every young girl wants to grow up
to be older than she is today, imagines how
wonderful it would be to have a job, be
independent, be free of parental rules.
At a certain point in life this changes
and each person realizes that with
the passing of each year one grows
older and eventually grows old and
whatever platitudes one expresses
and however wonderful one tries to
present aging there truly are very
few redeeming qualities in growing

Maybe

Maybe

Maybe eventually I will get over it. Maybe not.
Sometimes I wish I were more thick skinned
or able to just turn the other cheek, say slap me
one more time. I can take it. Then slap me again
with everyone as witness. Feel victorious, you
who sought to wound me, your words were daggers,
well planned blows. It is what you desired. I
am not a fighter, never have been, will just walk
away, unmissed as you babble on to your
appreciative audience. Who will be next?

Negative / Positive

Negative

Negative is easier than positive
these days it seems I have
no time for positive, with its
words appear contrived,
just chugging along, put
one foot ahead of another,
try not to think at all.

Positive

Oh what a beautiful day
to be alive. I am so excited
to face the day, do not know
what the day will bring but
know it will be unique as
all days are but please
forgive me for not enjoying
it fully as I am exhausted,
look forward to early rest
and hope I can sleep.

Please

Wikimedia Commons

Please

I know you don't want me,
that you regret my existance,
are embarrassed by me,
wish I didn't live but I do live
and you made it happen.
And you can't undo your action.

Don't you know I have your genes,
no small thing as I am part of you,
but if you are sure you don't want me
someone else has been praying
to have someone like me. Someone
will love me, and I will love them.

I haven't lived yet, want to see
what life is all about, to breathe
and see and hear and think;
maybe I can make a difference
One person can, you know.
Let me live, I implore you.

Please.

This is shared with dVerse Open Link.

A New Year

(prompt - entering something new)


A New Year

I enter a new year of life
hard to believe I am this old;
I can remember turning ten.

The decades have made me
grandmother, uncharted ground,
someone considered old;

but I still feel young, wear
my blue jeans, flashy Nikes,
forget my age unless

I look in the mirror. Wrinkles
shock me sometime. Who
is that with greying hair?

I argue with the calendar
still feel like a teen, almost
immortal, that I have decades

yet to enjoy rich days.
At least I can hope
calendar age is superficial.

I enter a new year optimistic
that this one will be even
better than the last.

Death of a Young Soldier

Death of a Young Soldier

Bradley Espinoza, with your death I came to
know you, think about you and your family today.
You served in Iraq with my son-in-law. It was
your third tour of duty there, his too. Iraqi Freedom.
You shared the same unit, same rotation.
Twenty-six- years old, with wife and two children,
army for seven years, right out of high school.
So young. Too young to die. Your wife is army too.
Who will care for the children? You were returning
home next month. You and everyone else in your
unit. Families were making plans. Counting days.
You had a dangerous job, bomb disposal specialist,
and you did it well until last weekend when enemy
forces attacked your vehicle with a bomb. You
did not survive. Today your mother is in Delaware
bringing your body home. You will be home before
the rest of your unit. I don't know you, but am sad.

When They Found Her

When They Found Her - #1

When they found her she was counting flower petals
one, two, three, fifteen, thirty, sixty-two, more
and she would not be disturbed. People spoke to
her, shook her, tried to entice her to look at them,
but she would not stop counting long enough to
look. She was wearing a sundress, her hair ong and
flowing, and both sundress and hair blew in the wind.



When They Found Her - #2

When they found her late at night, she was alone on the
wooden park bench, blank expression on her face. She
sat motionless, grasped the handle of her well-worn
suitcase that shared the bench. And when authorities
discovered her, asked her to open her bag, she didn't resist.
She had nothing to hide, little to display.The contents are
as mundane as her life. One pair of jeans, two blouses,
two sweaters, underwear, an extra pair of shoes, colorful
socks, warm jacket, a teapot and different bags of exotic
teas, folder full of poetry written by hand, two pens, an
address book, a book of stamps, a flashlight, and a
beautiful china cup carefully wrapped in a red silk cloth
so it would not break, undoubtedly for her tea.

Little Gecko

Little Gecko

Little Gecko, why did you choose
to make our bathroom your home?
Small, innocent, so trusting, my
bare feet could easily squish you
if I walked in the dark and didn't see
you on the floor. You are barely visible
in your chosen spot, blending in with
your surroundings. I truly would be
heartsick if I caused you injury or,
worse, death.

One time you surprised me, ventured into
the hallway outside your usual domain.
Don't you know this is dangerous?
I was glad that I looked down, saw you.
I think while I am here I will be compelled
to look out for you constantly, as I know
you will not watch out for me. I want
you to have a long life, grow big, easier
to see, my dear little friend.

Rain

Rain - 1

Childhood days of gentle summer rain
walks outside barefoot, grass spongey,
puddle splashes, jumps over sidewalk
worms, no umbrella needed, the rain is
warm, let's chase each other, arms
outstretched toward the rainbow.

Rain - 2

Pounding rain, relentless torrent,
wind whips, raindrops are weapons,
sharp, driving, horizontal arrows,
cannot see outside, all is dark,
lights are out now, sirens blare,
head downstairs with flashlight
and radio to wait it out, hope
and pray it will be as it has been
in the past, nothing, not something.
Please let the rain end.

Cold

Cold

Cold sneers
cuts through to the bone
heavy jacket doesn't help
skin burns taut

Cold laughs
pierces through layers
dismisses scarfs, caps,
and mittens. They are nothing

Cold kills
breaks down resistance
takes away feeling, without
notice, silent, still forever.

Nothing to Declare

Nothing to Declare

I bought nothing during the Danube
River cruise or visits to other cities
in Germany. There were few opportunities to
shop, and when they appeared, I had no
strong desire for the items available
or I knew I could find the same thing at home
or they were made in China or sold
just for tourists or I thought I would find
something I liked better later. In Eastern
Europe it was too complex to deal with
the money or if I figured out the price it
was too expensive when I didn't love the
item that momentarily attracted me.
I wanted one souvenir, yearned to have
something special to take
home. I never found that thing, so I came
home from three weeks in Europe with
wonderful pictures and special memories,
but not one thing to declare.

Dirty Dishes

Dirty Dishes


One side of the sink is filled with dirty
dishes which accumulate day after day.
Each morning I arrive, hope the dishes
will have been washed and put away

but it doesn't happen. In the following
days the other side of the sink begins to
fill up with dirty dishes. I ask her why
she does not use her dishwasher, and

she said it doesn't get her dishes clean.
Each day after the children finish breakfast
I see to it that the dishes used are carried
to the sink, increasing the pile of dishes.

Every day before we leave for school I try
to have him help me pick a few things up
from the floor so they can come home to a
more orderly home. I tell him he should

be a good example for his sister, and he
listens. Today when I arrived I
noticed the dishes were washed, drying
on a rack, and that was a good thing.

One step at a time. One day at a time.
Baby steps forward. Then back again.
More dirty dishes will fill the sink.
I wish it weren't so.

Most Don't Care

Most Don't Care

Most don't care or
wait for others to speak
or to do something.

Most are afraid to stand up
in a crowd of people,
instead keep distant,

wish difficulties away,
talk about the weather,
or the price of gasoline.

Some wring hands, oh
dear, easier not to face
conflict, make a decision.

Let someone else speak,
determine right, someone
will. One brave soul or four,

but until then, even
perhaps after, they don't
let others know their thoughts

prefer to appear neutral rather than
to expose their position. Most
fade into the background,

if not seen no one will know,
will not expect. They will walk
the fence to see which way

the wind blows, go in that
direction, follow the crowd
in silence, smile, and wave.

Fear of Cats

Fear of Cats

My mother was terrified of cats.
When she visited an older woman
in our neighborhood at night, and
it was time for her to walk home
she would telephone me and I
walk across the street to
walked home with her to protect
her in case she encountered a cat.
I really wish now I knew why she
was deathly afraid of cats, why
she screamed when she saw
one. I don't know what she thought
they would do. Her fear was intense.
there were two cats I knew who
terrified me as well. One lived with
a family I babysat for. The cat,
a big one with penetrating eyes,
would sit across the room and
stare at me. Its eyes would follow
me wherever I went. It seemed
threatening to me, and I wished it
would just leave me alone. I could
hardly wait until the woman and
man got home. Then one time
when I lived with a crazy roommate
and was afraid one night I went
to sleep at the apartment of a friend
because I wanted to be safe.
She had a cat. I slept on the couch,
and all night this catannoyed me.
It sat on top ofthe couch, waved its
tail in my face. I had dreams of
suffication. If I turned on my side,
it would put its head in my
face, breathe on me. One time
it pounced right onto my stomach.
I could not sleep, and I wished I had
stayed in my apartment with the
crazy roommate there, as it
couldn't have been any worse
than enduring a night with this
cat. On top of it all, it made
me sneeze. At this point in
my life I am not afraid of cats.
I can look at them and even
find some of them beautiful,
but they still make me sneeze.

Things to Throw Back

Things to Throw Back

Angry words, failures real or imagined,
broken promises, broken dreams,
worries, self condemnation, bitterness,
sadness about what might have been,
disillusionments, sadness, fear
of tomorrow and the next day
and the day after that, negatives,
doubts, anguish, blame, all
of these things I throw back.

Decorating the Tree

Decorating the Tree

My mother was in charge of most
of decorating the Christmas tree,
except my dad was in charge of
Christmas lights, both putting
on and taking off. It was a
thankless chore for him, as my
mother supervised, and though
he accomplished it she complained
about how it was done, lights too close,
blank spaces. I was glad I only had to
hang ornaments, didn't do tinsel either,
nor put the star on top which
sometimes tipped this way or that.
Harsh words were exchanged on
Christmas tree days, but by the time it
was up and beautifully decorated these
words were forgotten and we all enjoyed
the tree, especially at night when we sat
with all other living room lights out,
just enjoying the lights on the tree and
the shadows that danced on living room
wall when cars went by on the street.
And we would sing Christmas carols
in the December dark.

Masks

Masks

I never liked masks, deceptions. I never
really got into Halloween or costume parties.
Even today I know I would not enjoy pretending
to be someone else or using a mask to hide
my true self. Masks have never been fun for me.

The Pleasure of Coming Home

The Pleasure of Coming Home

I love coming home, even if I have been gone only
an hour. I love coming home, Diane greeting me,
the dogs greeting me as if I am someone special.
I love my house, my living room, my family room,
my bed, everything familiar, comforting, warm.
It is nice to go away for a while, but going away
pales beside the pleasure of coming home.

The Pleasure of Nothing Useful

The Pleasure of Doing Nothing Useful

I am so used to trying to do something useful
every moment of the day. So many things to
do, so many shoulds. I seldom find time to do
something truly unuseful, so many useful things
to do, except if it is playingLexulous, a pleasure
not useful at all, accomplishing nothing, a selfish
escape which feels so good!

The Pleasure of Not Beiing Perfect

The Pleasure of Not Being Perfect

I must learn to forgive myself for not being perfect
and I also hope that those that know me will
forgive me for not being perfect. I have high
standards for myself and often beat myself up
for not meeting them. Typical Virgo. Not enough
hours in the day to do all I wish to do. And I
often fail to do what I wish I could do. I must
learn to take pleasure in not being perfect.
I really hope I can.

The Pleasure of Being Foolish

The Pleasure of Being Foolish

Foolish to believe someone will change
it might happen sometime, just mightt,
but basically one has to understand
and find a way to live with the reality
that people do not change. Amen.

What I do Not Always Throw Back

What I Do Not Always Throw Back

Sometimes I don't throw back
what she needs to be responsible
for, and sometimes I cut her too
much slack, but sometimes I do
this for the kids' sake even though
they do not know, and I wonder
sometimes if they will ever know
that it was me who made the
difference.

Things to Throw Back

Things to Throw Back

Angry words, failures real or imagined,
broken promises, broken dreams,
worries, fears of tomorrow, self
condemnation, bitterness, sadness
about what might have been,
disallusionments, sadness, fear
of tomorrow and the next day
and the day after that, negatives,
doubts, anguish, blame, all
of these things I throw back.

Fear of Cats

Fear of Cats

My mother was terrified of cats.
When she visited an older woman
in our neighborhood at night, when
it was time for her to walk home
she would telephone me and I
would walk across the street to
walk home with her to protect
her in case she encountered a cat.
I really wish now I knew why she
was deathly afraid of cats, why
she would scream when she saw
one. I don't know what she thought
they would do. Her fear was intense.
there were two cats I knew who
terrified me as well. One lived with
a family I babysat for. The cat,
a big one with penetrating eyes,
would sit across the room and
stare at me. Its eyes would follow
me wherever I went. It seemed
threatening to me, and I wished it
would just leave me alone. I could
hardly wait until the woman and
man got home. Then one time
when I lived with a crazy roommate
and was afraid one night I went
to sleep at the apartment of a friend
because I wanted to be safe.
She had a cat. I slept on the couch,
and all night this catannoyed me.
It sat on top ofthe couch, waved its
tail in my face. I had dreams of
suffication. If I turned on my side,
it would put its head in my
face, breathe on me. One time
it pounced right onto my stomach.
I could not sleep, and I wished I had
stayed in my apartment with the
crazy roommate there, as it
couldn't have been any worse
than enduring a night with this
cat. On top of it all, it made
me sneeze. At this point in
my life I am not afraid of cats.
I can look at them and even
find some of them beautiful,
but they still make me sneeze.

Raw End of the Deal

Raw End of the Deal

In his last week of swim lessons
he got a teacher that didn't like
to get in the water. She preferred
to stand on the side of the pool
with a towel around her swim suit
and to direct children from her
high perch. On Wednesday I
strongly hinted to her that he
learns by being shown, not by
being told. He didn't even listen
to her as she stood above telling
how to do the butterfly, and he
wasn't alone. Such a contrast
to his former teacher who was
always right in the water with
the kids, moving their arms, their
legs, encouraging them every
foot of the way, giving high
fives in the water for a job
well done. I thought about
complaining, but I kept my
thoughts to myself. After all,
it was the last week of summer
lessons. I didn't expect him
to pass fish this time anyway
as he was the youngest in
the class, and it is a hard
level,and kids generally have
to take it more than once, but
it bothered me nonetheless
that for the last swim session
of the summer he got someone
who didn't wish to get wet,
someone whose face remained
expressionless, who knew
technicalities but had no warmth.
No one passed in this fish class,
not one child. When that happens,
I question why. I think all these
kids got the raw end of the deal,
but there is always another year.

Purple Rain

Purple Rain

Purple rain would be fun to see
something unusual, out of ordinary,
something to smile about, tell
tales about, an experience to
pass to the next generation, or
something to bring on televiion
crews or to share on You-Tube,but who
would really believe purple rain?

Halves

Halves

Half of something is okay, half a sandwich
can be enough some days, a half dollar
can be used for parking, half full is good
when you are checking your gasoline gage,
half pound of meat is more than enough,
half finished with a book is a good start,
half of somehing can be good or bad
depending on point of view.

Painted Toenails

Painted Toenails


Diane introduced me to painted toenails
before then I never imagined them for myself
thought it was a luxury few could afford
certainly not me but now I enjoy painted
toenails particularly in summer when
I can have violet toenails which I can look
at and which always remind me of my dog.

There was No Telling

There Was No Telling

There was no telling me anything.
I knew how to raise kids. If I loved,
had patience, smiled, was fair,
gave of myself in every possible way
how could they not turn out just fine,
appreciate, love in return, no problems
ever, everything a breeze. Ya, right!

A New Age Dawning

There is always a new age dawning
no matter which moment, hour,
day, or year. What will happen
next will always be new, unexpected.
No one really knows what will occur
next even if one thinks one does.
Life often throws curveballs. Surprise
is inevitable, sometimes for better,
sometimes for worse. Expect
the unexpected as a new age dawns.

I Had Forgotten....

I Had Forgotten

1.
I had forgotten so many details
until I looked at the photos taken
and then the memories returned.


2.
I had forgotten, or tried to forget,
what he was really like, but it did
not take much to make me remember.


3.
I had forgotten how wonderful a summer day can be
until today when it was pure bliss to take a long walk
in the morning and to spend the afternoon in our pool.

4.
I had forgotten the excitement of finding coins
left in vending machines until Isaac experienced
a streak of luck at finding them. Friday he found
three quarters, an unusually good day, and I was
delighted when he asked if we could go to Goodwill
so he could use his well-earned quarters in
vending machines there to buy new toys, a bouncey
ball an a little ring for his finger. No greater joy
for a five-year-old than to spend earned money.


5.
I had forgotten how fast Tulip could walk until we took her
on a walk this morning and she set the pace, a marathon
pace. She walked two-and-a-half miles at a fast pace,
faster than we would have walked without her. Then Diane
came and picked her up, as I feared she would tire out
before we did, but next time I will have her walk another
mile. I know she could have done this really. She is such
a wonderful walker.

6.
I had forgotten how much I liked roasted vegetables until
I bought beets at the farmers' market and we had to do
something with them, so I cut up beets, carrots, potatoes,
and green peppers, and we roasted them along with
chicken and had a wonderfully tasty dinner tonight.

Irritability

Fears

I try to contain my irritability
to present a happy face
to keep my mouth shut
but it is hard sometimes
and I am eaten up inside
because I know consequences,
fear the worst, know what is possible
while she procrastinates, does nothing.
I am tired of presenting solutions
which are ignored until the last
possible moment and then
when the situation is urgent,
a crisis is imminent, I am
the one who worries, does more
than I should, wakes up in the
night, and fears more and more
for the future, wondering how
someone can live like that.
I worry that nothing will change.
As the children get older, I fear,
but I can do no more than I
already do. I hope and pray
they will find their way. They
have a lot to overcome.

Summer Rain

Summer Rain

Summer rain peaceful, warm
falls gently in small droplets,
patters on windows, fresh,
awakens, enjoyable to watch,
pleasant to touch.

Summer rain greens grass,
refreshes plants and birds,
makes puddles for children to
splash in, brings rainbows
into view, nature calms.

Summer rain also brings high
winds, flooding, tornadoes,
fear, devastation, the flip side
its shadow self, heartless,
nature hard to bear.

The Passing of Time

The Passing of Time

Life moves in slow motion some days,
minutes pass like hours, hours like days,
and then again when I look back at the years
of my life it seems like years have passed
like months and months have passed like
minutes and how did I get to be this age?

My Father's Feet

My Father's Feet

My father's feet were a
mystery to me. He
never walked barefoot
or even took off his socks

where I could see. I never
understood why he always
had his feet covered
when everyone else enjoyed

going barefoot warm summer
days. I fantasized his feet
must be ugly, but couldn't
imagine how. I finally saw

my father's feet when he lay
in his hospital bed dying.
I wonder if he was embarrassed
to have me see his feet then

or whether like so many other
things at that time no longer
mattered. They were not
remarkable feet, not worthy

of hiding, but now it didn't
seem right or proper to look
at what he had always protected
from my view. I turned my eyes

away. Funny how dying changes
things. And doesn't.

Now That You are Gone

Now That You are Gone

Now that you are gone I sort through my mind
for memories of you, try to visualize you again
in my mind, to recapture the essence of you.

Nashville first time meeting I remember you
on the riverboat, quiet but intense, eyes that
twinkle and dance, oh I still see your eyes.

Even though we met three other years it is
my image of you in Nashville, our first meeting
that stands out brightest, brings you to life.

I realize now that we seldom think as we live
our life that someday our time on earth will
end, but today I wonder what people will remember

of me when I die. Will the first meeting leave
the strongest impression, or some later time
I cannot even imagine? Just as you probably

never would have guessed that my most vivid
memory of you was the time we talked on the
boat in Nashville, and oh those twinkling eyes.

Resilience

Resilience

Resilience is hard to think
about when worry abounds
and the more time that passes
the more ominous things seem
for our good friend who is still
right now and so much is
unresolved despite prayers
from many sources. God,
please help our friend.

But we have to keep living
and laughing and walking on
she would want us to do that
each of us continuing though
she for now lingers not yet
knowing her fate. Every cell
of her body is yet hopeful,
waiting for the awakening,
the miracle, though her mind
does not yet know. God
please tell her. Awaken.

We each have our journeys
intertwined with one another
yet on an individual course
never know what the day
will bring, what our own
fate will be beyond this moment
but we must be resilient bounce
back from what life gives us not
be beaten down even though
some days it is especially hard
as what fate has handed one of us
could be that of any of us
but life cannot stand still
must go forward and despite
uncertainties we must
find joy in resilience. God,
please help us all.

Touch

Touch

(written for my friend Dolly who suffered a brain aneurism Thursday,
is not yet conscious)

I cannot touch you
with my hands as
you are too far away
out of my reach.

I cannot see you
can only imagine you
lying unmoving in
that private place
between death and life.

I do the only thing
that I am able to do
honor your life in stillness
close my eyes in hope
remember you as friend.

Then I touch you with
my thoughts, words,
fervent prayers, from
the depth of my heart,
hoping you know
so many care.

(Afternote - Dolly died a few days later.)

Honesty

Honesty

It is hard to be honest
if a situation is difficult
it is easier to say nothing
at all because then
at least one doesn't lie

diane always says that
the shortest way through
a difficult situation is
being honest and I agree
with her completely

but what if being honest
is hurtful to someone
i am torn about this as
probably some things
serve no purpose to say

what is honesty anyway
honesty only within oneself
expounding all one thinks
or speaking the truth but
leaving some thoughts unsaid

honest has many facets
tell the truth sounds simple
tell the truth we tell children
but reality is it is not easy
to be honest even with oneself.

Don't You

Don't You

Don't you forget me when I am gone
remember me, the smile on my face
the way I laughed, the twinkle in my eye
Remember how I splashed in the waves
walked fast to explore unfamiar paths
to see all I could see along the way,
shared time and exchanged stories,
held a few hands, gave a helping hand,
looked for the next unique adventure
as I soared high above the clouds
always dreaming of brighter tomorrows
knowing I will meet you again.

The Phone

The Phone

The phone sat cloaked in silence
and sometimes for a fleeting moment
she wondered if she should be the one
to pick it up and call someone anyone
or if she should continue to just sit and wait
as she did day after day week after week
and stare almost lifelessly at the door.

Smoke

Smoke

Certain kinds of information are like smoke
that gets into your mind, makes you choke
as you try to force it out. It clouds your
mind until you can think of nothing except
how to rid yourself of what you wish you didn't
know. Then after your energy is almost spent
you realize it is impossible to make it go away
or ignore it, so you realize you must either resign
yourself to accept the smokey presence or
it will kill you, as it is stronger than you
if you try to fight it off.

Secrets

Secrets

This is how secrets start
one person does something
harmless doesn't tell the other
and then realizes how easy
it is and that it doesn't matter
anyway as it is nothing at all
so the next time opportunity
arises the decision to say nothing
is easier and from then on there
is no need for decision and that
is how secrets start.

What to Do

What to Do

Not knowing what to do I do nothing
it is easier that way than trying to
figure out what to do when there
seem to be either too many choices
or too few choices or it is too rainy
or too sunny and there are too many
other people and situations to be taken
into consideration and too many hours
or too few hours or it is too far or the
time is all wrong and my head is
spinning and my mind is tired and
it is easier just to do nothing today.

Smell

Smell

The heavy smell invaded my lungs
when I sat next to her on the stuffy bus
and I smelled the stale stench of sweat
and stale underware and realized she
probably had not bathed in weeks and
I didn't want to be rude and stand up as
there wereno more available seats and
it would be quite obvious if I moved
but if I didn't move I knew I would faint
or begin to retch from the fetid odors
emanating in my direction and now I
realized why this seat had been
available despite many people standing
on the bus.

Odd

Odd

It's an odd combination
pizza with chocolate ice cream
cherry popsicle with white wine
sun during a driving rain
cat with a canary
rubies with blue jeans
a Mercedes at Goodwill.
Life is filled with oddities
if you look.

Bad Advice

Bad Advice

You need to appear like
you are confident even
when you are shaking
hard inside

You need to appear like
you're content even
when you crave a
change of pace

You need to appear like
you're tired even when
your mind is
wide awake

You need to appear like
you're happy even
when you're thoughts
are very sad.

If you appear a
certain way, that
is how you'll be.
Act as if,even if it
is not how you feel.

Farewell

Farewell

Each time we part I wonder
if we will see each other again. We are no
longer young, and more time passes between
our meetings and one day it will happen
that we will say farewell in our usual way and we
won't know it is our last farewell. As much
as I try to ignore the possibility, one day
the expected or unexpected will happen
to one of us, and the other will be left with
only memories. And tears.

Never

Never

Never say things
you will regret later
or speak in
anger, better bite
your tongue instead.

Never worry about
things you cannot
change, too much
wasted energy is
not a good thing.

Never pass up
an opportunity
to do something
fun as life is
shorter than
you know.

Never write poetry
late at night
as your tiredness
will be obvious
to all. who read
your your words.

The Bridge

The Bridge
(A Sestina)

I cross the high bridge
fulfill my own dream
seek to earn the praise
outside the gold window
receive all the love
I trust I deserve.

And what I deserve
creates a living bridge
connecting hope and love
a fantastic new dream
a transparent window
worthy of utmost praise.

I raise my eyes in praise
know that I don't deserve
but am joyful for the window
that gives me the bridge
the fantastic dream
of happiness and love.

There is nothing like love
to show me that praise
is less significant than a dream
but something I deserve
as I consider the living bridge
that leads to the gold window.

Thinking of the gold window
I ponder all the love
that passes across the bridge
contemplate the high praise
that we all do deserve
whether or not in a dream.

I think about the dream
look out the gold window
don't know what I deserve
or what I should love
I wonder how can I praise
so much that I cannot bridge.

I try to bridge, to dream
to all I give praise, open the window
With much love, I hope I deserve.

Longing

Longing

Pizza sometime, maybe ice cream,
more time, a good book, inspiration,
appreciation, sleep, friendship, a
helping hand, understanding, laugthter,
a smile, puppy kisses, caring, love.

Understanding

Understanding


What do you want?

He is the father of the children.

That doesn't answer the question.
What do you want?

I want us to be a family.

Is that what you want?

I want him to see them.
I don't want him to see them.
He doesn't want to see them.

I'm confused.
I hear mixed messages.

You don't understand.

Bob's Barbecue

Bob's Barbecue

Bob and Marie invited us over
for a barbecue at their fifth wheel
which was more like a house than
a trailer. Marie asked me what

I would like to drink, and Diane
said I should have a Margarita
as they had lived in Mexico and
would know how to make a

good one; so I ordered a Margarita
but immediately regretted my
decision when the Margarita
mix appeared and I knew it would

be nothing like the Margaritas
Diane made nor anything special
at all. But I drank the Margarita
which was okay, all the while

wishing I had taken wine. I sat
on a comfortable leather chair,
and Diane sat on another one.
When it cooled down a bit

we went outside and sat around
the outside table and watched
Bob barbecued the pork chops. I
took photos to preserve the event

and the people in attendance.
Bob and Marie, Laney and Elliott,
Diane, me. When it was time to eat
we went inside, sat around the table

and ate pork chops, Brussels sprouts,
sweet potatoes, and salad. This
time I had some wine. For dessert
we had ice cream with blackberries.

It is amazing how much room there
was in the fifth wheel. After dinner
I went to sit again in the leather
chair, and Diane sat in the other one.

One time when Diane was talking
she gestured so broadly that her hand
brushed the candle which was setting
between her and me, and the candle

tipped and candle wax got on the
leather chair and on my shirt but
luckily nothing started on fire and
we later learned the wax came off

the leather without difficulty. It was
a pleasant evening with good food
and good conversation in a beautiful
fifth wheel, and though the wax is

not yet out of my shirt, we are
working on it.

Boarding the Dogs

Boarding the Dogs

Tulip and Violet notice
when I take out the carriers,
clamor to crawl inside.
Short tails wag, happy,
expectant of opportunity
to ride. Anticipating doggy
pleasures, new smells,
adventures, places to explore.
I place carriers in car, drive
off, dogs rest happily,
pleased to be at my side.
They do not know they
are enroute to the boarding
kennel, no great adventure
for them. People say dogs
don't have a concept of
time passing. I hope this
is true and that they won't
miss me as much and long
as I will miss them.

I Regret

I Regret

I didn't notice
didn't thank
didn't praise

didn't pay attention
spoke too soon
spoke at all

didn't hold a hand
didn't befriend
didn't speak

didn't volunteer
didn't befriend.
looked the other way

I regret that
I cannot say
it won't happen again

Work

Work

I try to work it out somehow
even when it is difficult to
organize, be responsible
accomplish all I should.
Use every minute, every hour,
begin tasks, finish them,
clean up, stay one step ahead,
remember schedule, accomodate
classes, meals, naps. All the
while, smile, be patient, keep
children, busy, learning, happy,
and still find time for me.

Haiku

Haiku

Sly cholla cactus
will flirt with you as you pass
sneak to bite your bum.

Rebirth

Rebirth

For years we didn't communicate
I really didn't expect it to change
too much hurt, too much pain.
I was resigned, didn't hope.
It was what it was. There was
nothing to do but let go and
let God. Then it changed, not
sure why, but maybe because
she had a child of her own
and now knew what it was like
to be a mother. Sometimes it's
best to accept, not question. Our
elationship was reborn. I am
Mother again and loved.

Anger

Anger

He was dying. The doctor said
he was dying, he had a few days,
no more. She did not accept, blamed
the doctor Do something, she pleaded.
I can do nothing more, he said.

She was angry. With the doctor.
With her husband. With God.
With everyone. With life
It was not right. It was not fair.
Her husband would not die.

Her husband could not die.
She shook her fist at the heavens,
implored the doctor, beseeched God.
It is not yet his time. Help me. Help
my husband. But it was his time.

The doctor could do no more. God
did not intervene. She had to accept
death's power. Death demands this,
does not argue. Death arrived
And then, only then, did she cry.

I Don't Know

I Don't Know

i say what do you want
she says i don't know
i say what does he want
she says i don't know.

another says
i hear mixed messages
on the one hand you
say he doesn't see the

children and on the
other hand you say
you don't want him to
I'm confused.

she said don't worry
it is only paternity.
i say what is his goal?
she says I don't know.

I said try to find out
it is not simple as it appears.
I think my own thoughts
he is a trickster

not to be trusted
nor underestimated
I am silent now, fear, don't
know what to say or do.

All I Want Is......

All I Want Is.....


All I want is to remember
all the things I forgot

the experiences I had
the places I visited
the people I knew
the conversations I had
the occasions I celebrated
the movies I saw
the books I read
the stories that were told.
the things I don't even
know that I once knew.

All I want is to remember
all the things I forgot.

Red

Red

Red runs hot
heat of passion,
sizzles, burns,
lasting love.

Heat of hate
denies love
knife pierces
crimson heart,
wound bleeds,
red blood runs
red runs strong
life is gone.

Nobody Knows

Nobody Knows

Nobody knows it doesn't matter
Nobody knows there is no goal
Nobody knows there is no answer
Nobody knows they'll sell their soul

That's how it goes
Nobody knows

Nobody knows there is no winner
Nobody knows all is equal in the end
Nobody knows trouble will follow
Nobody knows what's around the bend

That's how it goes
Nobody knows

Nobody knows the die is cast
Nobody knows no one is home
Nobody knows the dream is futile
Nobody knows they'll die alone

That's how it goes
Nobody knows

Mary Kling in the style of Leonard Cohen's "Everybody Knows."
4/15/09

Love Is

Love is
a sensational mountain sunrise,
a comet streaming across the sky,
a hand in hand walk along a forest path
a banquet of delectable delicacies
a road that surprises around each turn
a comforter to warm the coldest night

Tulip and Violet

Tulip and Violet

On one hand, Tulip and Violet
play, sprawl together in the sun,
team up to bark at outide squirrels,
lick each other's eyes and muzzle,
frolic and fetch tossed squeaky balls.
Their eyes dance, tails wag,
inseparable friends forever.

On the other hand, Violet and Tulip
snarl at the other, bite the other's
leg or muzzle, fight to lick almost
empty plate or cooking pan, race to
capture dropped carrot or offered treat,
jostle for favored lap position or cozy
blanket, to be the chosen parther
for a walk. Eyes glare, tails stiff,
competitors forever.

Hobby Reflections

Hobby Reflections

Who will want my stamps someday?
My plateblocks and first day of issues?
Who will care about my old coins?
My war pennies? My state quarters? Who
will enjoy in the future the hobbies
I enjoyed in the past? Or will my
treasures interest nobody, be sold
without the batting of an eye?
Hopefully I will live long enough
to interest someone in carrying on
where I left off when I gave up
collecting for writing and walking.

So We Decided To Go Out for Brunch

So we decided to go out for Easter
brunch at the Mexican restaurant
and we and our friends arrived early
but were able to be seated anyway.
I talked to my daughter by cell phone
and she was having trouble finding
the place and sounded quite annoyed,
and later I called her again and she
got directions from someone, but
by now the rest of us had helped
ourselves to the brunch. Daughter
arrived with children, and she and son
immediately went off to the buffet area,
and baby was left with us to watch.
And when daughter and son came back
I went to get more food , and we were
all back and forth, forth and back.
The baby was teething, and I was
wearing good clothes, and daughter
seemed to be gone a long time as
baby screamed and drooled. Baby
couldn't help it, but I wished I had
not worn good clothes. And The food
was good, I ate more than I should have,
but it was Easter after all. Relaxing? Not!

Leashes

Leashes

Black leash with rhinestones.
Leather, classy, like Tulip.
I hold it, lonely, waiting.
I am sad when I look at the
leash usually worn by Tulip,
my walking partner. Violet
has a violet-colored leash.
No bling but classy in its
own way. I hold it too. I put
both leashes out of sight
in places I hope I will not
notice, but even if I don't
notice I know. Tulip and
Violet are not at home.
Both dogs are at the kennel
tonight. I miss them so much.

Friday

Friday

Friday is a welcome day,
it heralds the weekend
time to relax and play,
days to put my feet up
to do what I want to do
sleep late, play fetch with
my dogs, no obigations
except those I choose.
I smile on Friday, tension
leaves my body. I can tolerate
anything Friday because
I know the weekend follows,
and weekends are mine.

Memory

Memory

I said I had in the past
written about many memories
and didn't know what to write
this time, and she said I should
write about my first lie, and I said
I didn't remember my first lie,
must have forgotten it, that
I really didn't remember lies
though I must have told some.
but more remembered some
omissions, things I didn't tell.

She said I should write about
a time I saw my father cry,
and I said I never saw my
father cry. So she said I
should write about a time I
saw my mother cry. I told
her I saw my mother cry but
did not want to write about
those times because it was
too painful to reflect on times
I saw my mother's pain,
when someone hurt her
or when my dad died.

She said I should write about
a surprise, and the biggest
surprise I can remember is
when on the day of my
birthday she whisked me away,
and I didn't know where I was
going, and took me to Kohler to
stay at the American Club,
eat in their wonderful restaurant,
and to golf at Blackwolf Run.
Now that is a wonderful memory!

Morning Routine

Morning Routine

I wake up every morning, weigh myself,
dress in work out clothes, walk downstairs
with the dogs, take them outside, turn on
coffee maker readied the night before, turn
on computer, feed dogs, microwave frozen
blueberries, mix blueberries with plain yogurt,
eat breakfast in front of the computer screen
and television screen while dogs hover waiting
to lick the remains of my breakfast bowl.
These are my moments of peace before the
busy day begins. I savor them fully, enjoy
my early morning routine before the day's work
begins with hustle bustle of children and their
needs and activities and little time for personal
play except in moments stolen for myself
unexpectedly, surreptitiously, in the day.

Clean Clothes

Clean Clothes

My aunt used to tell my mother
she washed clothes so much
she washed the life out of them.
My mother did wash clothes.
Everything had to be clean.
My aunt, on the other hand, would
iron dirty clothes rather than wash
them.. I am not like her I am like
my mother. I love to wash clothes.
I love it when the wash basket is full
and I can run the washing machine.
If there are only a few items in the
basket, I look around for more.
Even if I have many more clothes
to wear, if my favorites are
dirty, it is time for me to wash.
Nothing makes me happier
than having all clothes clean.

Missing Persons

Missing Persons

I miss a large family, brothers
and sisters to play with on a
rainy day.Some older, some
younger, all with blonde hair,

blue eyes. No one argues
or disagrees.We play together,
tease, learn from one another.
Johnny is the oldest, my protector.

who looks out for me. With him
I feel safe. Others are nameless,
I don't know why.Two more boys.
Two more girls. Six in all. I am

third oldest, a follower not a
leader, happy to have older
brother and sister lead. I don't
mind hand-me-downs, play

cowboys with my brothers,
dolls with my sister. We all
ride bicycles everywhere, don't
return home until dinner time.

I pictuure them now in my
imagination, in my mind,
and miss the siblings I never
knew, the family I never had.

Uberlingen Memorial

Uberlingen Memorial

(In remembrance of the mid-air
collision over Uberlingen, Germany,
on the night of July 2, 2002 )

The memorial to the plane crash
in Uberlingen, Baden-Wurttemburg,
is not easy to find unless one travels
with a local. Six large balls represent
strands of pearls of the necklace that
was severed that night above Lake
Constance when a Russian airliner
collided with a transport plane. Human
error. Sky lit up, debris scattered twenty
miles around. Seventy-one lives lost.
Fifty-two school children in the dawn
of their lives. Their lives ended quickly,
in a burst of flame, destinies forever
unfulfilled. But here all are remembered,
names inscribed on the monument that
overlooks tranquil Lake Constance
visited by tourists from all over the world.
Most are unaware of the almost hidden
hillside memorial visited only by those
who have been told of its existence.
Mourners speak many languages,
view in silence, gaze into the lake,
and reflect. Grief knows no nationality,
is deep and dark as the water below.

Tulip

Tulip

Tulip, you stand before me,
gaze into my eyes as if trying
to figure me out. I look into
your eyes, try to read your

mind. Often you seem so
human to me in your reactions.
You tilt your head as I speak,
listen carefully to every word.
Your face is so expressive.

Then you bring your ball to
me, squeak it at my feet,
incite me, with persistence,
to take it, throw it as far
as I can so you can run

after it, squeak it again,
return it to me, assured
now the game will continue,
that I've been hooked.

When you are tired you
leap into my lap, curl
up, a ball of fur, to sleep
at peace now loved, safe.
Tulip, I love you.

The Problem With Being a Grandmother

The Problem With Being A Grandmother

The problem with being a grandmother
is that she often knows what is important,
should be done, but cannot do because
the children are not hers. She has a special
position, which involves both privilege and
responsibility. She enriches lives, supports,
but the children are not hers, no matter how
much she loves them. She has to step back,
allow the parent to make decisions, which
means mistakes might be made. Grandmothers
have to know when not to react, when to
speak, and when to listen. Not easy.

The Outsider

The Outsider

Nine-year-old kicks stones at the
edge of the playground, waits for
time to pass, for hated recess
to end. She sees other children
playing games, laughing.No one
plays with her. She tries to look
like she enjoys kicking stones,
does not want others to approach,
but the truth is she is afraid she's
not worthy. She is an outsider,
sees no way to find a way in

Unknown Origin

Unknown Origin


He says, I am angry with my mother,
I ask him why. He says, I don't know.
I ask him, what does she do?
He says, nothing. I ask him,
what would you like her to do?
He answers, nothing. I ask him,
why do you hit her? He says,
I am angry. I ask, does she
yell at you? He says, I yell at
her. I say, she loves you more
than anything in the world. She
works hard every day to give you
a good life. He says, my dad loves
me, plays video games with me.
I cannot discover the origin of his
anger toward his mother, and I
cannot explain to a five-year-old
that playing video games is fun,
not love. And it is not my place
to explain that his father has
given him nothing at all.

Strength

STRENGTH

Every day I work out
try to maintain strength
and to increase fitness,
not easy at this age.
My thighs and upper arms
will never be tight again,
my abs never again firm,
but day after day I keep
at it, walking the treadmill,
cross trainer, and track.
I use the weight machines
which strengthen all muscle
groups. Hard to believe I
have reached this age where
the primary goal is not
to become less fit, to maintain
what I have. I work out beside
many who are younger than me,
sometimes feel like their peer,
but perhaps they are thinking
not bad for a person her age as
they look at me. If I don't look
in a mirror I don't care!

Solitude

Solitude

Solitude after a long week
is a beautiful thing. I am
finally able to relax, to do
what I want when I want.
I don't want to be social,
make plans, go anywhere.
I just want to spend time
at home tonight with dogs
and computer and have
time to watch tv news.
Tomorrow I may feel different

Determination

Determination

I am determined that Isaac will go
to kindergarten being prepared
to the best of my ability. He will know
letter sounds, how to sound out words,
how to read. He will know how to use
the computer, know how addition and
subration works, how to tell time, and
the basics of some sports.He will be
familiar with some children's chapter books
and some Bible stories too. I am determined
to giveIsaac as many good memories and as
many good experiences as possible.
It is my gift to him.

Generosity

Generosity

Diane is the most generous
person I know. Generous
with her whole being, quiet
and unassuming. Very few
know, and she doesn't care..
Unselfish and giving with all
she has and is, she finds ways
to help and things to give that
are unique and unexpected.
She prefers a low profile,
as that is her way. She does
good work in a special way.
Unannounced just because
she cares.

The Good Hostess

The Good Hostess

She has her way of doing things
when guests are invited to her house
she will spirit away coats as people
walk in the door. If someone

lays a purse on a table or floor
she will spirit it away as well
despite protests. She wants
things in order, her order. She

has a precise place for things.
When she gives people drinks,
she brings coasters, and before
someone has taken three sips

she asks you if you would like
more. If a person sneezes, she
will present a box of tissues.
And when she serves dinner

she invites people to the table,
serves, asks if people want salt,
pepper, butter, dressing, coffee
now or later, another beverage,

while she continues to work in
the kitchen. Guests might eat
some minutes before she joins
them at the table, and by then

after people have eaten some
of the food on the plate she
will ask if they want more,
if they want music on or off,

too loud or too soft. Dessert
or not, which one? When
the meal is over, guests are
invited to relax in the living

room, watch television if they
want, while she scurries to the
kitchen, scrapes plates, cleans
counters, and finally appears

in the living room half an hour
later to talk, and I can hardly
wait to leave for home! But
first I have to ask for my purse.

The Party

The Party

She enters the house, greets
the hostess with warmth,
makes her way to the room
where a group has gathered,
sits near a few strangers
with friendly eyes, listens,
nods, makes eye contact,
asks a question during a lull,
listens, smiles, gives her own
answer, shares a humorous
happening, laughs at a joke,
empathizes with someone's
plight, drinks coffee, eats
snacks, laughs, talks, smiles.
What a great party!
Meanwhile in the silent spaces
between words and smiles
she floats home, relaxes in
silence, blue-jeaned, happy in
her own space with dogs.

Why I Don't Say Anything

Why I Don't Say Anything

Sometimes I don't say anything,
even when I have strong opinions,
because I realize that what I would say
might not help, even if I know I am right,
and will ultimately be proved to be so.
I don't want to regret words the
next minute, next hour, or next day
if someone becomes angry with me
for what I have spoken because they
are not ready for them, see the situation
differently, or don't wish to hear.
This has been a hard lesson, one
of the hardest, the lesson of silence.
I still learn, which is a good thing.
I do not always succeed, but I try.

Eyebrows

Eyebrows

She used to always look out for my eyebrows
to make sure they had a few less hairs,
but I think she has got used to them now
or perhaps has given up due to my lack of
interest or has come to feel as I do that if they
aren't perfectly shaped it doesn't matter and who
would notice anyway? Perhaps disinterest
in eyebrows is a factor of aging. So much
becomes invisible or is unnoticed. Not bad.
Just reality. Who looks at me that carefully to
scrutinize my eyebrows? I hardly do. There
are more important things to think about, and
anyway they are nothing like eyebrows of Frida
Kahlo. Now her eyebrows should have been
looked after by someone, I think, but beauty
is in the eye of the beholder, and Diego Riviera
didn't mind. But really I didn't notice most
people's eyebrows at any age, thus I really
don't expect people to notice mine.

The Dance

The Dance

I never saw my parents dance together,
don't know if they danced at all
but my dad bought a new record player,
proudly placed it in the living room,
along with LP's by Frankie Yankovic, Guy
Lombardo, and Victor Herbert. With nostalgia
for these long ago times, I reclaim childhood eyes
and fantasize. I imagine my parents as
they dance together late at night with
the sound turned on low while I slept. In my mind
I see them sway in each other's arms,
father's strong arms lead mother around
the living room dance floor. Uninhibited,
in love, they smile, waltz, and whirl in perfect
rhythm, to Hernando's Hideway. Light from
the full moon streams through living room
windows, as two shadows become one
on the wall.

Acceptance

Acceptance

I accept full responsibility for my life and its path,
with all its decisions, achievements, accomplishments,
as well as false starts, missteps, and failures.
I unashamedly declare that without doubt I could have
done some things better or differently, but I didn't so
here I am today recognizing that as my years continue
to pass I will always strive to live the best life I can
with the knowledge there are no guarantees.

Denial

DENIAL

I suppose I should not deny you
entirely but I deny you as much
as I can, have nothing positive
to say I suppose I should say
nothing, present the illusion of
being unbiased, and I wish
I could say that I try to do that,
but I don't. Rather, I hope you
will get the reward due you,
at least in my mind, which is
admittedly not unbiased.
I deny by choice. You are
unworthy of my consideration.
You are deservedly denied.

American Dream

American Dream

I want to live today without thought for tomorrow,
to be realistically optimistic, to walk and read
and play, listen to my music, plan for my future
and the future of those I love. I want to spend time
with people close to me, to cuddle with and walk
my dogs.I don't want to worry about tomorrow
or the day after that. How can I turn my mind off?
How do I sleep at night? Where is the hope?
Is the American dream dead or an illusion?
These are my unanswered questions.

Correspondence

Correspondence

I visualize her at the formica and chrome table
typing letters on her black Smith Corona
portable, the typewriter on which I learned
to type. I can still hear the uneven clunk of keys,
the carriage return, then clunk again, uneven
beats strong, determined like my mother.
She wrote letters to relatives, members of
Congress, the mayor, or even President
of the United States. My mother had opinions
and shared them. She wrote some notes only
to herself, in anger or sadness, stored them
in the typewriter case of the SmithCorona.
Often I saw them, read them. They gave ne
a glimpse into my mother's thoughts.
I am sure she knew I read them. Unspoken
communication between mother and daughter.
Written words are important, powerful.
long lasting, influential, and memorable.
Ask me, just ask me. I know. I've seen.

Eight Poetic Lies

Lie#1

I walked into the restaurant last night
many eyes on me, amazing I thought,
wondering what was the attraction.
I had never before experienced
a roomful of people looking at me,
each trying to attract my glance, to
elicit my attention. It was interesting
to have people clamor for me, hope
for a smile or a nod or just a wave,
but I went to sit at my table,
pretended not to notice, ordered,
and ate my food, and smiled inside,
nodding to no one, feeling smug.

Lie #2

Early evening the doorbell rings,
I didn't expect anyone. Who could
it be? I peer out the window, see
a man alone with gray-blonde hair,
blue jeans, sweatshirt. Should I answer
or ignore? So easy to ignore. I hesitate,
decide to answer, open the door.
Deep blue eyes look into mine,
as mine look back. My heart races
as he stands in silence, then speaks
barely audible words: My name is
John, and I am the older brother
you never knew you had. Three
years older than you. Let's
get to know each other now.
We still have time.


Lie #3

Everything will work out,
the stock market will go up,
bankers will spend money wisely,
auto makers will not need more,
crooks will go to jail, deserving
people will get jobs, families in
homes will keep them,
the just will be rewarded,
evil will be punished, liars
found out, criminals caught,
cheaters recognized,
wars enced, kindness
appreciated. People
will not be judged by age, sex,
size, race, sexual orientation,
looks, or religion. Everything
will work out. I'm positive it will.

Lie #4


Last night the telephone rang.
I answered. It was Linda whom
I hadn't talked to in many years.
And it was good to hear her voice
since we did not talk since our
misunderstanding a decade ago.
We lost touch, went our own ways
but last night it was old times again,
as if no years at all had passed.
She shared her life and happenings
since we'd last talked. She was now
a writer, lived the arty life she yearned
for, was happy, and free.I told her
about my life and and we reminisced
experiences shared before we lost touch.
We vowed not to lose contact again.
And last night I slept with a smile,
happy to be reconnected with Linda again.
Today I rushed to telephone Rebecca
who had known Linda too, to tell her of my
surpise call and reconnection. Rebecca
told me Linda died three years ago.

Lie #5

There are many roads my mind can travel
many twists and turns and looking back
many wonderings about one thing or another
including questions about whether I would
wished to have known things before or not.
It is such fun to contemplate the past, to
dig into every nook and cranny, to think
of secrets, illnesses, devasations, affairs,
lies, outbursts, scandals after the fact
and to savor them anew again, to taste them
with zest, bring them back to life. It is satisfying
to force recollections of things long ago laid to rest,
made peace with in their own way. Bring on those
torturous times, reinvorgate, relive them anew.
There is no more joyful way to spend a day.

Lie #6

I wish I didn't know summer followed spring
I wish I didn't know the sun comes after rain
I wish I didn't know good trumps evil
I wish I didn't know there is life after death
I wish I didn't believe these lies.


Lie #7

I didn't say it.

I didn't do it

I didn't even think it.

Anyway I didn't mean it

if I did. Why are you

looking at me?


Lie #8

You can trust me.
Things will get better.
I have your best interest at heart.
I'm right there with you.
It's all part of the cycle.
Look at history.
I feel your pain.
Really I do.
Trust me.

It Hurts Too Much

It Hurts Too Much

I drove by my old home two times after I moved.
The second time I passed it I felt such deep hurt
that the new owners did notcare for trees, flowers,
and shrubbery we had tended with such care and
I decided I had viewed this house for the last time,
didn't want to look again at this house I had loved
but to remember how it was when we lived there,
to imagine it in my mind still the same.

I want to remember my old neighborhood as it was
in my years as a new homeowner, my years with
children and dogs, sitting at a picnic table drinking
coffee with neighbors, grill in backyard. Good years.
Not the later years as things began to change,
formerly well manicured lawns invaded by weeds,
wild noisy late-night parties, trash left in street,
and rumors of a drug house in the next block.

Most neighbors I knew had died or moved away,
replaced by people who meant nothing to me,
didn't talk, went into and out of their homes with
no neighborly greetings, teen-agers who wandered
without purpose, houses that needed paint or repair.
Yes, it was time to move on. I saw subtle signs
and didn't want to see more, and no I won't pass my
house or neighborhood again. It hurts too much.

Optimism #II

Optimism # II

I try to be optimistic. I will live to be
one hundred with no more serious accidents,
untouched by serious illness. No Alzheimer’s,
no cancer, no other disease that insidiously lurks,
no unbearable pain, no burden to anyone..
My daughters will be happy.
My grandchildren will be healthy.
My family will continue to love me.
My friends will continue to like me.
I will write and paint and walk,
read, learn new things, and
will go to heaven when I die.

Optimism #1

Optimism #I

Despite the snow and ice and cold,
days now become longer and I tell
myself it won't be long before what is
white and brown will melt and green
once more. I wait hopeful, impatient
for winter's last hurrah to pass when I
can walk jacketless outdoors again
kissed by the sun once more.

Hope #2

Hope #2

I hope that it wll not be long before
cures for Parkinsons and Alzheimers
and Multiple Sclerosis and diabetes and
other diseases of our generation are found.
I not only hope but also pray the key
will be found that will turn lives around,
restore what is lost to so many too early.
Please God, hear my prayer.

Weary

Weary

I am so tired I think I will sleep
well tonight. It is so nice to
know I can sleep as long as
I like tonight even though I probably
will arise early tomorrow as usual.
Just knowing I can sleep long if I
want to feels so good.

Hope #1

Hope #1

I hope Isaac will benefit greatly
from the short time I have to teach
him so many lessons before his journey
leads to school and I cannot follow.
I strive to give unconditional love,
substance, structure, consistency,
attention, care. Not always easy.

I am pleased with how quickly he learns.
He is smart, reads, spells, verbalizes
feelings, uses the computer, interacts well
with others. He is excited about many things. He
tells me he loves me and I tell him I love him,
but worry grandmother worry, teacher
worry, fear for this child's future.

I fear he will not find the consistency
in other places that he has under my care.
He needs time, and I have it. He needs
patience, and I have it. I want him to
always know I am always here despite
rocky roads I foresee. I hope and pray
these months will establish that connection.

Weariness

Weariness

At the end of the day I am tired
look forward to lying in bed
to watch television for a while
but the moment my head hits pillow
I fall asleep exhausted and don't
wake up one a.m. or later
when I then watch things like
the repeat of Larry King or
Jay Leno or keep changing channels
until I find the earliest of early
morning news, exhausted no more,
waiting for the light of day.

Frustration

Frustration

I try to change a light bulb
beneath fixture above sink
should be a simple thing
but then the clock falls
breaks the light fixture
and I don't know if I can
find another fixture that
will fit in the space and
I hate fixing things anyway.
Nothing is ever simple
as it seems it will be
at least for me.

Jeans

Jeans

There is comfort for me in blue jeans
perhaps symbolism from my distant youth.
Presence of many jeans in closet soothes me,
each reflects my personal taste.
I seek a style that looks good on me,
comfort is more important than brand.
Definition of fashion eludes me
as do muscles these days.
Color must usually be a soft blue..
I know some may frown on jeans,
but it doesn't matter what others think.
I'm happy with own my sense of style.

Inaugaration Day 2009

Inaugaration Day 2009

Clean slate, faith, optimism,
hope, new beginning. Energize,
march, clap, cheer, sing, dance
until you can dance no more on
this day to celebrate, savor,
make memories for forever,
and believe, really truly believe:

problems we can solve them
jobs we will create them
wars we will end them
enegy sources we will find them
terrorists we will fight them

Smile today, believe in yourselves,
for tomorrow the work begins.

If I Had a Prayer

If I Had a Prayer

If I had a prayer it would be that
everyone I love was happy and
healthy and able to do all they
wanted to do, had people and dogs
who cared about them and people
and dogs they loved, activities they
enjoyed, accomplishments they
were proud of and were recognized
for, wonderful dreams and even better
memories and faith that tomorrow
would be even better than today.

New Jeans

New Jeans

I have a pair of new jeans, cool jeans,
so special I only wear them for good
not to hang around the house,
shovel snow, walk the track, grocery shop.
I savor them, save them, look at them,
feel them, enjoy them for occasions.
When I wear new jeans I feel good.

Fear

Fear

Fear like a monstrous thing
suffocates me, a heavy sack
of sand I cannot push from my
chest. I want to cry out, choke,
no words come. And what words
would there be anyway for fear
of only looming possibilities?

I listen to TV forecasters
who foresee low temperatures
not seen in a decade, shake
inside, as this will begin
the day of Diane's surgery,
hope the car will start,
electricity will stay on,
furnace will not fail,
the sump pump will work.

I no longer believe all will always
work out, no longer believe I will
be spared trouble. I will be prepared,
but I am afraid this morning and
cannot heave the suffocating sand.

Sitting Hunched and Broken

Sitting Hunched and Broken

Sitting hunched and broken
on the side of the road
next to her overturned car
she wonders where it was
she made the wrong turn,
didn't brake, didn't steer
to avoid something,
but she didn't know, she
couldn't think, it happened
so fast, it doesn't matter,
her body hurts, she is cold,
she tries to get up, her limbs
do not work, it is dark,
cold, deserted, her car
too far off the road
for others to see, and day
will break too late. If only
she could move. If only.....

To 2009

To 2009


2009, I would be content if this
would be a year to float
on water, feel the cool breeze
on my face, laugh and smile
about nothing in particular, walk
familiar and unknown paths,
to sing, yes to sing, happy
to live another year.

Good-bye, Hello

Good-bye, Hello

Good-bye, 2008.
I will not see you again, old friend.
Our time together is over.
I must move on, like it or not.
I will remember you with fondness,
will focus on the good
as the difficult times fade.
I have my memories, my photos,
and my poetry. You will not
be forgotten. I promise.

Hello, 2009.
Today you are a stranger,
but I will abide with you,
walk in your presence, and
soon you will become familiar to me.
I will learn to know you better
every day, and before long
I hope to call you friend.

Hello 2009

Hello 2009

I say good-bye to 2008, know I will not see
this now familiar friend again, feel sadness
as I turn just a little bit older, have one less
year to live, one less New Year to celebrate.
I wonder what 2009 will bring. I will welcome it,
as I have no choice, become more familar with it
day after day. I have no plan for this year,
no special goals, but each year presents a series
of unpredictable adventures and as this new year
begins I can only hope that the encounters
on this year's path will be good ones, that as
the year goes on I will accomplish something good,
will have many moments of happiness, will continue
to enjoy good health, but I can never predict what
is ahead, cannot know what one will face tomorrow,
but I can only live each day and embrace what now.