Strength

STRENGTH

Every day I work out
try to maintain strength
and to increase fitness,
not easy at this age.
My thighs and upper arms
will never be tight again,
my abs never again firm,
but day after day I keep
at it, walking the treadmill,
cross trainer, and track.
I use the weight machines
which strengthen all muscle
groups. Hard to believe I
have reached this age where
the primary goal is not
to become less fit, to maintain
what I have. I work out beside
many who are younger than me,
sometimes feel like their peer,
but perhaps they are thinking
not bad for a person her age as
they look at me. If I don't look
in a mirror I don't care!

Solitude

Solitude

Solitude after a long week
is a beautiful thing. I am
finally able to relax, to do
what I want when I want.
I don't want to be social,
make plans, go anywhere.
I just want to spend time
at home tonight with dogs
and computer and have
time to watch tv news.
Tomorrow I may feel different

Determination

Determination

I am determined that Isaac will go
to kindergarten being prepared
to the best of my ability. He will know
letter sounds, how to sound out words,
how to read. He will know how to use
the computer, know how addition and
subration works, how to tell time, and
the basics of some sports.He will be
familiar with some children's chapter books
and some Bible stories too. I am determined
to giveIsaac as many good memories and as
many good experiences as possible.
It is my gift to him.

Generosity

Generosity

Diane is the most generous
person I know. Generous
with her whole being, quiet
and unassuming. Very few
know, and she doesn't care..
Unselfish and giving with all
she has and is, she finds ways
to help and things to give that
are unique and unexpected.
She prefers a low profile,
as that is her way. She does
good work in a special way.
Unannounced just because
she cares.

The Good Hostess

The Good Hostess

She has her way of doing things
when guests are invited to her house
she will spirit away coats as people
walk in the door. If someone

lays a purse on a table or floor
she will spirit it away as well
despite protests. She wants
things in order, her order. She

has a precise place for things.
When she gives people drinks,
she brings coasters, and before
someone has taken three sips

she asks you if you would like
more. If a person sneezes, she
will present a box of tissues.
And when she serves dinner

she invites people to the table,
serves, asks if people want salt,
pepper, butter, dressing, coffee
now or later, another beverage,

while she continues to work in
the kitchen. Guests might eat
some minutes before she joins
them at the table, and by then

after people have eaten some
of the food on the plate she
will ask if they want more,
if they want music on or off,

too loud or too soft. Dessert
or not, which one? When
the meal is over, guests are
invited to relax in the living

room, watch television if they
want, while she scurries to the
kitchen, scrapes plates, cleans
counters, and finally appears

in the living room half an hour
later to talk, and I can hardly
wait to leave for home! But
first I have to ask for my purse.

The Party

The Party

She enters the house, greets
the hostess with warmth,
makes her way to the room
where a group has gathered,
sits near a few strangers
with friendly eyes, listens,
nods, makes eye contact,
asks a question during a lull,
listens, smiles, gives her own
answer, shares a humorous
happening, laughs at a joke,
empathizes with someone's
plight, drinks coffee, eats
snacks, laughs, talks, smiles.
What a great party!
Meanwhile in the silent spaces
between words and smiles
she floats home, relaxes in
silence, blue-jeaned, happy in
her own space with dogs.

Why I Don't Say Anything

Why I Don't Say Anything

Sometimes I don't say anything,
even when I have strong opinions,
because I realize that what I would say
might not help, even if I know I am right,
and will ultimately be proved to be so.
I don't want to regret words the
next minute, next hour, or next day
if someone becomes angry with me
for what I have spoken because they
are not ready for them, see the situation
differently, or don't wish to hear.
This has been a hard lesson, one
of the hardest, the lesson of silence.
I still learn, which is a good thing.
I do not always succeed, but I try.

Eyebrows

Eyebrows

She used to always look out for my eyebrows
to make sure they had a few less hairs,
but I think she has got used to them now
or perhaps has given up due to my lack of
interest or has come to feel as I do that if they
aren't perfectly shaped it doesn't matter and who
would notice anyway? Perhaps disinterest
in eyebrows is a factor of aging. So much
becomes invisible or is unnoticed. Not bad.
Just reality. Who looks at me that carefully to
scrutinize my eyebrows? I hardly do. There
are more important things to think about, and
anyway they are nothing like eyebrows of Frida
Kahlo. Now her eyebrows should have been
looked after by someone, I think, but beauty
is in the eye of the beholder, and Diego Riviera
didn't mind. But really I didn't notice most
people's eyebrows at any age, thus I really
don't expect people to notice mine.

The Dance

The Dance

I never saw my parents dance together,
don't know if they danced at all
but my dad bought a new record player,
proudly placed it in the living room,
along with LP's by Frankie Yankovic, Guy
Lombardo, and Victor Herbert. With nostalgia
for these long ago times, I reclaim childhood eyes
and fantasize. I imagine my parents as
they dance together late at night with
the sound turned on low while I slept. In my mind
I see them sway in each other's arms,
father's strong arms lead mother around
the living room dance floor. Uninhibited,
in love, they smile, waltz, and whirl in perfect
rhythm, to Hernando's Hideway. Light from
the full moon streams through living room
windows, as two shadows become one
on the wall.

Acceptance

Acceptance

I accept full responsibility for my life and its path,
with all its decisions, achievements, accomplishments,
as well as false starts, missteps, and failures.
I unashamedly declare that without doubt I could have
done some things better or differently, but I didn't so
here I am today recognizing that as my years continue
to pass I will always strive to live the best life I can
with the knowledge there are no guarantees.

Denial

DENIAL

I suppose I should not deny you
entirely but I deny you as much
as I can, have nothing positive
to say I suppose I should say
nothing, present the illusion of
being unbiased, and I wish
I could say that I try to do that,
but I don't. Rather, I hope you
will get the reward due you,
at least in my mind, which is
admittedly not unbiased.
I deny by choice. You are
unworthy of my consideration.
You are deservedly denied.

American Dream

American Dream

I want to live today without thought for tomorrow,
to be realistically optimistic, to walk and read
and play, listen to my music, plan for my future
and the future of those I love. I want to spend time
with people close to me, to cuddle with and walk
my dogs.I don't want to worry about tomorrow
or the day after that. How can I turn my mind off?
How do I sleep at night? Where is the hope?
Is the American dream dead or an illusion?
These are my unanswered questions.

Correspondence

Correspondence

I visualize her at the formica and chrome table
typing letters on her black Smith Corona
portable, the typewriter on which I learned
to type. I can still hear the uneven clunk of keys,
the carriage return, then clunk again, uneven
beats strong, determined like my mother.
She wrote letters to relatives, members of
Congress, the mayor, or even President
of the United States. My mother had opinions
and shared them. She wrote some notes only
to herself, in anger or sadness, stored them
in the typewriter case of the SmithCorona.
Often I saw them, read them. They gave ne
a glimpse into my mother's thoughts.
I am sure she knew I read them. Unspoken
communication between mother and daughter.
Written words are important, powerful.
long lasting, influential, and memorable.
Ask me, just ask me. I know. I've seen.

Eight Poetic Lies

Lie#1

I walked into the restaurant last night
many eyes on me, amazing I thought,
wondering what was the attraction.
I had never before experienced
a roomful of people looking at me,
each trying to attract my glance, to
elicit my attention. It was interesting
to have people clamor for me, hope
for a smile or a nod or just a wave,
but I went to sit at my table,
pretended not to notice, ordered,
and ate my food, and smiled inside,
nodding to no one, feeling smug.

Lie #2

Early evening the doorbell rings,
I didn't expect anyone. Who could
it be? I peer out the window, see
a man alone with gray-blonde hair,
blue jeans, sweatshirt. Should I answer
or ignore? So easy to ignore. I hesitate,
decide to answer, open the door.
Deep blue eyes look into mine,
as mine look back. My heart races
as he stands in silence, then speaks
barely audible words: My name is
John, and I am the older brother
you never knew you had. Three
years older than you. Let's
get to know each other now.
We still have time.


Lie #3

Everything will work out,
the stock market will go up,
bankers will spend money wisely,
auto makers will not need more,
crooks will go to jail, deserving
people will get jobs, families in
homes will keep them,
the just will be rewarded,
evil will be punished, liars
found out, criminals caught,
cheaters recognized,
wars enced, kindness
appreciated. People
will not be judged by age, sex,
size, race, sexual orientation,
looks, or religion. Everything
will work out. I'm positive it will.

Lie #4


Last night the telephone rang.
I answered. It was Linda whom
I hadn't talked to in many years.
And it was good to hear her voice
since we did not talk since our
misunderstanding a decade ago.
We lost touch, went our own ways
but last night it was old times again,
as if no years at all had passed.
She shared her life and happenings
since we'd last talked. She was now
a writer, lived the arty life she yearned
for, was happy, and free.I told her
about my life and and we reminisced
experiences shared before we lost touch.
We vowed not to lose contact again.
And last night I slept with a smile,
happy to be reconnected with Linda again.
Today I rushed to telephone Rebecca
who had known Linda too, to tell her of my
surpise call and reconnection. Rebecca
told me Linda died three years ago.

Lie #5

There are many roads my mind can travel
many twists and turns and looking back
many wonderings about one thing or another
including questions about whether I would
wished to have known things before or not.
It is such fun to contemplate the past, to
dig into every nook and cranny, to think
of secrets, illnesses, devasations, affairs,
lies, outbursts, scandals after the fact
and to savor them anew again, to taste them
with zest, bring them back to life. It is satisfying
to force recollections of things long ago laid to rest,
made peace with in their own way. Bring on those
torturous times, reinvorgate, relive them anew.
There is no more joyful way to spend a day.

Lie #6

I wish I didn't know summer followed spring
I wish I didn't know the sun comes after rain
I wish I didn't know good trumps evil
I wish I didn't know there is life after death
I wish I didn't believe these lies.


Lie #7

I didn't say it.

I didn't do it

I didn't even think it.

Anyway I didn't mean it

if I did. Why are you

looking at me?


Lie #8

You can trust me.
Things will get better.
I have your best interest at heart.
I'm right there with you.
It's all part of the cycle.
Look at history.
I feel your pain.
Really I do.
Trust me.