Too Early #1
I awakened at four o'clock today
thoughts dancing madly in my head
performing a macabre cabaret
I awakened at four o'clock today
my restful sleep in disarray
having preferred to sleep instead
I awakened at four o'clock today
thoughts dancing madly in my head.
Too Early #2
I awakened at four o'clock today
thoughts dancing madly in my head
performing a macabre cabaret.
I lay in bed and tried to sleep
it did not work to count sheep
I awakened at four o'clock today.
Yesterdays revisited and replayed
as worries of tomorrow invade
thoughts dancing madly in my head.
So many images twist and swirl
devil dances with bow and whirl
performing a macabre cabaret.
These two short poems were written for dVerse Poetics, where Fred is prompting us to write 'short poems' today! I was indeed awake (and up!) at 4 a.m. today, so I decided to explore a few forms just for fun with some amount of exaggeration, as I did not mind the early hour. Smiles.
Well done! I enjoyed both!
ReplyDeleteSorry you woke up so early. My dad wakes up at that time every morning and can't go back to sleep. By 9 he's snoozing if he's not on the golf course.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, great offering... I especially like the first one b/c the form seems to reinforce the theme.
nice....those thoughts sure can dance at times...mine is usually when i lay down and put my head to a pillow...my mind seems to think that means it is time to dance...ha...hmmm...i kinda like the form one as well the repetition pics up the dance a bit...
ReplyDeletethoughts dancing madly in my head
ReplyDeleteperforming a macabre cabaret _ excellent desription and really great poems.
Ha! I woke up and was on computer at four o'clock too. I love these, but especially the first one.
ReplyDeleteI love both of these Mary. I wake up super early pretty much every day :)
ReplyDeleteoh my..not funny to wake at 4 by madly dancing thoughts...pour them a tea or two to calm 'em down..and maybe the sheep are happy for a tea as well and make it easier to count them then...smiles
ReplyDeletehappy saturday mary..i like both of the forms
I loved the way you played with forms ... well done :-)
ReplyDeleteTo be awakened at early hour, will make me very sleepy during the day. I specially like the use of macabre cabaret ~ And worries of tomorrow will really cost you a good night sleep ~
ReplyDeleteGood work on the forms Mary ~
really nice Mary. Love the way the repetition sets mood. You give us that feeling of getting awoken too son, really strong verse. Thanks
ReplyDeleteIsn't it amazing how much gentler and more soothing the second one sounds - the lulling repetition?
ReplyDeleteMary. I will be thinking of your poetry at 4AM :)
ReplyDeleteThat is the time I'm up and at 'em
The first one reads smoother to me which is actually surprising because the second form seems like it would be the smoother one - I enjoyed this! Especially the first one. :)
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed both, such a singsong feel the triolet. It rolls off the tongue, I was up early too this morning, a little later 5am on yet another rainy day. Glad you had some fun with the forms, very much enjoyed.
ReplyDeleteWaking too early like that is really disorientating. Both your poems capture that, but I think the brevity of the triolet enhances the effect.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading both of your poems Mary.
ReplyDeleteMy mind goes into overdrive as soon as I hit the pillow - not worrying - just can't stop thinking.
When finally asleep I am out for the count and could sleep forever and cannot imagine waking at 4am - it must make for an awful long night?
That said, you put your (early) waking hours to fine use - thankyou!
Anna :o]
PS Second attempt to leave a comment - first appears to have disappeared into thin air...
Triolets are among the my favorite poetry, I adore them.
ReplyDeleteI am especially grateful to see both forms together. Your skills as a diverse poet are highlighted, and by using the same subject in each, you end up teaching the essence of the forms. In short ... I learned a lot.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed both, but the cascade tercet has brilliant visual impact, especially at the end.
I liked seeing both forms too, Mary--though my favorite is the triolet, because I love that form!
ReplyDeleteI really loved the triolet. It was nice to see the two forms together.
ReplyDeleteNice to see both of these forms side by side Mary. They provide an interesting contrast. Hope you get a better sleep tonight :)
ReplyDeleteSome morning you really can't win, the thoughts just keep coming at ones bin. So may as well get up an do something.
ReplyDeleteHa, very good! I did not get up early this morning, but wish I would have have. Great job with the forms.
ReplyDeletegreat musicality achieved by the reps.
ReplyDeleteAnd that with lack of sleep.
I like both very much, but prefer the first. In the second I got a bit bogged down in verse 3, and wondered how the poem might work without that verse.
ReplyDeleteNice one, and one I can relate to. I prefer the first one for its compactness but the second includes a bit more details and speculations on the experience.
ReplyDelete...well i can get up as early as 3 in the morning but only on weekdays as my work is way too far to where i currently stay... usually great thoughts come to mind either too late at night or too early in the morning... and the evidence is clearly laid here... love both piece & forms... Excellent Mary... smiles...
ReplyDeleteone of my favorite forms - triolet. nicely done...I personally would not be ok with waking up at 4am. Hope you catch up tonight.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed what you did with the forms. Both offerings are really well done and fun to read. :-)
ReplyDeleteI quite often am awake soon after 4 and use the time for thought - but have never collected from it such a harvest as you have managed. Superb.
ReplyDeleteI wake up early every day, but usually wait until 4 to get up. Are you saying this ain't normal?? I knew I shoulda read the instructions!
ReplyDeleteLove the poems, Mary!
The Chinese say that long walks of walking backwards can help improve sleep and avoid early wakes. I love my early wakes -- not to worry but to play in the world so quiet.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes with the insomnia.
Mary, I think you planted a thought. I read your poems yesterday and today I was up at 4AM. As Sabio said, I had some extra quiet time to be creative. Good writes. I enjoyed the variations.
ReplyDeleteHow are worries and thoughts keep us wound up sometimes..it's no wonder we don't get enough sound sleep..nicely done, Mary.
ReplyDeleteMary ~ good to see these two forms, I like both poems. I've written a few triolets but the cascade tercet is new to me ~ thank you
ReplyDeleteGood use of these two forms Mary. You have really gotten good at some of these forms--all of which are still a challenge for me. Excellent use of a waking up too early experience as well!
ReplyDeleteThe first one does it for me, tells of the angst of waking before you need to with thoughts tumbling and heart racing. Your use of "macabre cabaret" is genius!
ReplyDeletegreat work on these forms - you crafted both in a nice natural flow
ReplyDeleteI too am finding myself awake at odd hours and not minding it at all. Sort of pleases me to have that freedom. I like your poems, Mary and experimenting is always good, and often fun,
ReplyDeleteElizabeth
I love the way you use poetry to deal with the real little and big challenges of life. And your ability to use and willingness to explore forms impresses me.
ReplyDeleteloved the verses and the formns of poetry. reinforces the thought of the verse in repitition!
ReplyDeleteReally funny Mary! Even if you don't mind waking up early, you captured exactly how I feel when I wake up that early and can't go to sleep. I want to try these forms now.
ReplyDelete