The Big Tent poetry ( http://bigtentpoetry.org/ ) prompt for this week involved anger, and the suggested poetry form was the pantoum. I wrote two poems about things that make me angry, enjoying this form: "Without Consequence" and "Person of My Bad Dream. "
Without Consequence
No consequences for your acts ever befall you
you successfully make excuses or fabricate
you seek women , then entreat and woo
you take, never give, deceitfully substantiate
You successfully make excuses or falsify
you drive without a license, don’t pay a fine
you take, never give, deceitfully substantiate
leaching off others is your purpose divine.
You drive without license, don’t pay a fine
you don’t hold a job, prefer to sleep late
leaching off others is your purpose divine
you irresponsibly unashamedly procreate.
You don’t hold a job, prefer to sleep late
but you seek women to entreat and woo
you irresponsibly unashamedly procreate
no consequences for your acts ever befall you.
Person of My Bad Dream
Her voice grates on me,
she makes me want to scream.
I want to find a way to flee
this person of my bad dream.
she makes me want to scream
though I feign a smile sweet
this person of my bad dream
with her cold steely conceit.
Though I feign a smile sweet
it is hard for me to deceive
with her cold steely conceit
she must think I am naive.
It is hard for me to deceive
I want to find a way to flee
she must think I am naive
her voice grates on me.
Wow, Mary, I am so impressed with how well you put these portraits into what is to me a difficult poetic form! I felt angry just reading these. Very imprressive.
ReplyDeleteDouble good! Nicely woven Pantoums.
ReplyDeleteCool, Mary.
ReplyDeleteI like the first one, especially. The rhythms are really interesting, it...quickens.
Both of these are so very good...and adding the rhymes takes the technique to a higher level. (I think everyone knows someone just like your first subject!)
ReplyDeleteGreat job Mary - impressive.
ReplyDeleteI think I know that guy in your first one! Not a fan of him either.
Great job being angry, but holding back enough so it's not too much of a rant.
- Dina
Bravo, Bravo! One for each pantoum, Mary. Ooh...that first one. Did you know one of my husbands? LOL! I think that poem should be provided with every divorce settlement to give the woman voice (although not all women are the wronged ones, I'll agree).
ReplyDeleteThe second one was more angry-scary than righteously angry (angry-scary -- sheesh -- give me an elegant word, here). It seems to me that the pantoum fits you, like a glove!
Mary these are both fantastic!
ReplyDeleteI am with Dina and Cynthia on the first I have known a person or two like that and I am not a big fan at all!
Pamela
I wonder who this person is in your dream.Sounds as if you should give her the flick! Enjoyed both your poems Mary.
ReplyDeleteTwo? Why not put us all to shame, Mary?! You obviously got the knack with these. The first is particularly good.
ReplyDeleteWell done, Mary. I've read so many pantoums this morning, and on yours I started to anticipate the lines that I knew were coming again. I wanted to hear them. Pretty darn cool.
ReplyDeleteI like them both, but Without Consequence is my favorite. You nailed a certain type there, for sure!
I admire the strength of these. You did a terrific job!
ReplyDeleteGreat poems depicting two different personalities. You paint such a clear picture.
ReplyDeleteExtremely well done, Mary! Obviously you know what anger is, tee hee.
ReplyDeleteI'm impressed Mary by your ability to fit feeling into form. Both poems work. I haven't been able to do it yet.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you enjoyed the form -- and twice! Well done~
ReplyDeleteMary, your two pantoums are a nice complement. The repetitions are really nice.- Irene
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking you should fix these two characters up! Both pantoums were great. I especially liked the second one. Mysterious and familiar.
ReplyDeleteThese two pantoums work very well together. They both remind me of people I know. I'm impressed with how well you use the form.
ReplyDeleteIn both pantoums, the voice of the victim. I like that. Where the anger is muted in attempts at descriptions of behaviour where the protagonist of the poems has been hurt but has no interest in revenge, only in speaking the truth of what happened. A person who is not of the harsh world she describes. Someone we feel sympathy and love for. To offer us poems that open our hearts to the persona of the poems is effective and wonderful.
ReplyDeleteYou succeeded so well, I felt irked by these characters after reading the pieces :).
ReplyDelete"Without Consequence" resonated with me. It makes me want to write an angry pantoum about absent fathers.
ReplyDelete